Letters to you

I’ve written quite a few letters to you in the last couple of months, but with no intention to send them to you. It’s a progress already, because now at least I’m able to get all of those feelings out on the paper. Before all that emotional madness would made me just cry, and I would not be able to write even one word. So I run and hide away from what turns out to be myself. I still feel a lot of heavy feelings whenever I think about us. I know it’ll take me a lot more letters to write you to drop that heaviness.

I think I feel you missing me, and probably you feel that I miss you too. Yes I do miss you, and I think about you everyday. I check you blog, and facebook, and instagram … I don’t even know why I do it. Maybe because I want to know that everything is well with you. I wanted to call you and just asked how have you been…but I didn’t. I care for you deeply. So the question might come up…why don’t we just get back together? well I thought about it…a lot…and this is what comes up to me: Because we did each other wrong so many times…hearts are broken…and the trust nowhere to be found. I think we even become a sort of an addiction to each other…Now both of us are paying the price of “going with the flow” approach to life. It is a very painful price we pay for treating important things too casual. Reacting to life instead of doing everything possible to create life.

That’s what I’ve been up to lately, trying to do anything I can to get closer to the life that I want to have. To get there I need to become a woman with a valid “resume” that will be eligible for that life 😀 I know there is a lot of healing to do, and a lotta money to be made…a lootta money ! and a lotta awesome life to live…a loooot of it 🙂

I hope your wild hair are well groomed (yes every single one of them), you’re healthy and active.

Bye now 😀